Giant's Halloween

How exciting that within the first few months of living in a new city, the home team wins the World Series?! Pretty dang exciting. The city has been going crazy since Sunday. Today there was a huge parade down Market Street with the players and tons of other people associated with the team. The sidewalks were especially loony with all the Giants fans and spirited halloweeners running around.

The weather is just gloomy enough to feel perfectly Halloweeny. I have been busy with making seasonal cookies, a phone interview, a few more applications (ughhh), and laundry.

Plans for tonight are still unknown, but we have a few fun options/costume ideas. Although I wouldn't be opposed to watching scary movies and eating candy all night. While I love living in the city, part of me misses the neighborhood feeling of seeing little ones trick-or-treating all over the place.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FRIENDS! 

*photo taken from the Zoosk roof

Embracing Failure

I think everyone struggles with it in some facet; that post-college identity crisis. We no longer have our university, our major, a sport, a given group of friends, or anything else to identify ourselves with. We are thrown blindly into a confusing and mostly scary world of employment and bills and other adult things. Obvious by my overly vulnerable and pity-party posts lately, I am absolutely going through a weird time right now. I am confused and being pulled in so many directions, fearing that I won't make the right career choice. But I'm also realizing that fear can have both positive and not so positive affects on the way I live.

I've had 2 incredibly vivid, graphic, and terrifying dreams over the past few nights. After talking to my mom, I've actually been able to find some meaning from the dreams. It's said that we are represented in every entity or character that appears in our dreams. If that's the case, then I am not only feeling vulnerable, but weak, and scared, and powerful, and pulled, and confused, and overwhelmed all at the same time. Sounds about right. It may sound silly because technically, I'm not doing anything except enjoying life in this wonderful city. But my plate feels fuller now than it ever did in college with 3 hour practices, research papers, a full class load, and everything else the average college student brings on. My point is, back then, we had a mold of what things 'should' look like. Choose a major, go to class, engage in extracurricular activities, travel abroad, go to practice, take finals, etc. And at the time, it may have seemed incredibly stressful. But now that I no longer have that mold to follow, I am terrified of making the wrong decision.

I very rarely had to face rejection early in my life. Looking back, I know I took the safe road sometimes, probably to avoid the icky feeling of being turned down (It took me a long time to admit that). Until a few months ago, I never really knew what it felt like to be rejected. I didn't get the first job I applied for in SF. That was a strange feeling. Even though I was way under qualified for the position, and I wasn't even entirely sure it was a job I wanted, I was still upset. Regardless of the situation, rejection always stings. No one enjoys being told that they're not good enough or don't have the right skills for something. Anyways, since then, being rejected has become a lot more normal. And I'm realizing that is okay. In fact, it's oddly empowering and makes me feel like at least I'm putting myself out there. I think embracing failure and FEAR, rather than running away from it, is so much better. Admitting to yourself that this is scary, and that you are frightened of being rejected, and that you may not, in fact, be good enough for a given job, is okay.

This is a whole bunch of rambling, I know. But it always helps me to get these thoughts out of my head. I am not, yet, great at embracing my failures. But each time I get a rejection email, it hurts a little bit less, and I am quicker to move forward with things. The beautiful and also very, very scary thing about being an 'adult,' is that we get to make our own decisions. And while I still sometimes wish my parents, or my coach, or my school counselor would make the decisions for me, I know it's time for me to grow up. And I will make mistakes, and what seem to be wrong decisions. But thats the beauty of it, right?

A friend from high school does a fabulous job at explaining this weird and confusing time in our lives through a show she's written. Check out what she's doing here.

3 Smiles

Happy sky walking through the financial district

Enjoying the wait in this pretty lobby

 Pumpkin carving party - one of my favorite Halloween activities

Simplify

Yesterday was not a good day. I feel like such a downer when I say that, but it's the truth. And if there's one thing I want this blog to be, it's truthful and vulnerable. It's hard feeling like you're not being productive or making a difference, even on a day to day basis. I have some potentially pretty exciting things in the works, but only time and patience will tell how they turn out. 

You know those days when the stars just don't line up and things don't seem to be in your favor? Well that was the case for me yesterday. It's so cliché, but on my way to meet Felix for lunch, I even stepped in a huge, muddy street puddle. Seriously? I could have burst into tears right then and there but I held it in to avoid the embarrassment. 

My mom is the best advice-giver in the whole world. Really. She always says exactly what I need to hear to get me out of my slump. She's validating while at the same time being really honest.

She told me not to 'over think' things. My stress to find the 'perfect' job is unnecessary and unrealistic. 

She told me that I am my biggest critic and I am too hard on myself (which I already knew, but sometimes it's nice to be reminded). 

She told me to relax and to enjoy this period in my life because soon, I'll have a job taking up all of my time and I'll be wishing for more downtime.

She told me to not complicate things, to get out there, and to do what I love. The rest will fall into place.

She's so smart. 

It was just the boost I needed to change my perspective a little bit, take a few big steps back, and SIMPLIFY things. 

Cheers to a good Thursday! And GO GIANTS!

Be My Friend?

I'm feeling strangely productive today. It's before 10 am and I've already had an interview, a yoga session, and my coffee. And I was up at 6:30 (and I can't remember the last time I was up that early!). So now I'm back home and naturally, I crawled back in bed for a little while, and decided to post earlier than usual. (Let's be honest. NO ONE wants to get out of bed when it looks like this outside!)

I had an interesting interview with Lululemon. It was a group interview, which I had never experienced. It felt strange talking and almost bragging about yourself in front of other very qualified candidates. There were 15 of us, all early 20's, beautiful, fit women (and 1 guy); some were new to the city and some were from the Bay Area. They ended up having only seasonal positions open for now, which isn't necessarily what I'm looking for, but it was good interview experience anyways! 

The takeaway was even greater than that; I'm really ready to bring fitness back into my life. I mean more than an occasional run or trip to the gym. I really want to return to the place I was in college, where working out is a part of who I am. It creates such a positive state of mind and allows for so much more productivity. 

But walking out of the store, all I could think of was how I so desperately wanted to stop the other girls and invite them to get breakfast. Or invite them to my apartment for lunch. Or give them my number to make plans later.

I've had this conversation with several of my friends, especially lately. But one of the biggest challenges I've found in my adult life is making friends. I know it may sound silly, but without school and sports teams, and being in a place surrounded by people with common interests, it is difficult to meet people!

My favorite writer/blogger, Joanna Goddard wrote a post about this, linking to an article her husband wrote for the NY Times. I laughed out loud and was literally shaking my head in agreement the entire time I read it. It's so true! And I wish there was a socially acceptable way to invite someone to be your friend. I also wish I was more bold and had the confidence to ask the girls out to coffee this morning. But I'm not. And I didn't. But it did leave me with a hopeful feeling that there are other girls out there just like me. New to the city, unemployed, fighting the daily battle of staying in shape. I just hope I can bump into them again soon.

Random morning thoughts for sure. I hope your Tuesday is lovely and productive!

Lately

I had a whole different blogpost planned for today, but you know how Mondays go. I lost track of the day -  I had 2 interviews, as well as follow-up on several applications, and what seemed like endless errands.

So I'm cheating and going with another 'Lately' post. I hope everyone had a happy Monday. I promise to be more on my game tomorrow. Goodnight!

3 Smiles

The sweet quote on the birthday card I sent my mom

Favorite string lights at an amazing restaurant in Napa

One of my favorite activities - used book store shopping

Have a beautiful weekend!!

Reward System

I don't know if it's because I grew up with parents that gave us incentives for getting our homework done and rewards for excelling in school, or I just have an athlete mentality and perform better when there is an end goal; but that still holds true for me today. It works on toddlers as well as on almost 25-year old unemployed college graduates (I think ultimately, I should thank/blame my dad. When I was younger, he would reward me with new shoes for soccer goals and cash for making my serve over the net).

When I give myself incentives to be productive, I am 100% more motivated and determined to complete a task or knock things off my to-do list. I'm sure I'm not the only one that does this...

For example: if I run 1 more mile than planned, I can buy myself something from that boutique I've been eyeing OR if I cook every night this week, I can treat myself to gelato from around the corner.

So today, I did just that. I gave myself a list of to-do's with an end reward in mind. I power-housed 5 applications, did some 'maintenance' emailing, some ironing (ew), and thoroughly cleaned the apartment. And then I treated my toes to a much-needed pedicure up the street. I went with 'masquerade belle,' an oxblood/maroon color to embrace Fall (despite the 90 degree day we had today).

It's amazing what a little incentive can do. Now my plan is to pick up some sushi and martini ingredients for a solo movie night at home (while Felix gets spoiled by Google at the 49ers game). 

Normal

It's funny how certain things start to feel 'normal' when you've lived in a place for a period of time. In Colorado, normal was getting in your car if you wanted to go anywhere, our quiet backyard, being 2 blocks from my parent's house, the sound of kids screaming, the smell of the burger place down the street, friendly people walking their dogs everywhere.

Living in a big city for a few months now, there's a lot that is starting to feel normal. And it's all very different from the 'normal' in Colorado.

The sounds of taxi whistles, sirens, bus brakes, traffic and honking horns. The occasional smell of urine, followed by fresh laundry, or pizza. Burning thigh and butt muscles. Homeless friends sleeping on the sidewalk. The way our original hardwood floors creak. Keeping the windows open all the time. Yelling and chatter from a nearby bar. Using an elevator everyday. Food trucks and sidewalk cafes. The way things get just quiet enough at night to hear the music from the apartment behind us or our neighbor below brushing their teeth. The way the sun pours into our apartment.

Cheers to Wednesday and feeling 'normal'! 

Jordan

To continue living vicariously through myself and relive my distant but wonderful travel memories, today I am going to write about a trip we took over Christmas break 3 years ago with Felix's family. 

One thing (among many) that I love about having married into a European family, is the places they choose to take holidays. While I was really excited for this trip, Jordan is absolutely not somewhere I would have picked to take a vacation. 

It was unique and cultural and absolutely beautiful. We spent time in Amman, the capitol city, visiting different mosques, historical landmarks, and ruins. We spent a night at a traditional Bedouin camp, complete with local food and dancing. We visited Petra, one of the 7 wonders of the world. It was obviousy breathtaking and so memorable. We ended the trip in the southern city, Aqaba, at a stunning hotel on the Red Sea, where we could see Israel and Egypt from the shore. This was my first time in a predominantly muslim country. It was so interesting learning about the role women play in society, polygamous marriages, and other cultural norms. We had a great tour guide and driver the whole trip who constantly fed us information about the country and culture. 

Some memorable moments from the trip: taking a run through the desert with Felix and my father-in-law to the border of Saudi Arabia, floating in the Dead Sea and being rubbed down with mud, touring mosques (fully covered) in Amman, shopping at a traditional spice shop in Aqaba, climbing through old army barrack ruins, drinking tea around a fire listening to stories at the Bedouin camp, and walking through Petra at night by candlelight.

The Red Balloon

I snapped a picture of this red balloon flying in the beautiful SF sky the other day, and it reminded me of the famous french short-film, The Red Balloon by Albert Lamorisse. I remembered watching and LOVING this movie while growing up. Obviously, this brought up wonderful memories and I wanted to watch it again, and in luck, I found it on Netflix.

It was precious and everything I remembered it to be. A film with few words, classic shots from old Paris, beautiful storytelling music, and deep meaning. It's a timeless film, hitting on every human emotion in the book.

My favorite part is when the young boy hitches rides under random stranger's umbrellas to keep his balloon dry on the walk home.

If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. Hope you are having a lovely Tuesday!

3 Smiles

Found: 'the creme brûlée cart' - enough said

Crock pot season has begun

Wine and old volleyball sweats

Inspiration

Inspiration has been on my mind a lot lately. All kinds of inspiration. Inspiration to be creative, to start a business, to write, to apply for jobs, to cook really great dinners, to go on exciting dates, to do the laundry. What inspires me? Where am I most inspired? When do I feel inspired? I have been trying to harness that inspiration to make myself as motivated and productive as possible. I came up with a list of things, places and moments. Some make sense, and some are random and not as logical. Hoping to continue to find outlets and resources for inspiration. 

In the shower.

Friends who blog.

Talking to passionate people.

Random acts of kindness.

Certain coffee shops.

Making lists.

Wind.

My brother.

Art.

Wine!

When I'm writing.

Walking aimlessly.

The food network.

My parents.

Drinking iced tea.

What inspires you??

Lately

Our neighborhood is fabulous. Since we've lived here, I think we've used public transportation only 3 or 4 times. It's insane how walkable this city is; I spend hours walking around every day, with no real destination. That's how I've found some of my favorite spots. Here are just a few shots I've taken lately (and a few old ones too) of Nob Hill and other parts on my trusty iPhone.