3 Smiles

View of beautifully lit buildings while ice skating at the Embarcadero

 Handmade socks from my Grandma

Very colorful tree on a balcony in the financial district

This was a really weird week. With such a sad beginning, it was tough to get out of the funk. But we are so excited to get on that plane to Paris tomorrow morning. We are so ready for a wonderful 2 week holiday with Felix's side of the family. 

On another note - I tried to be fancy on ice skates a few days ago and ended up breaking my arm :-/ Ouch. I'm in a cast and may need surgery in January. Obviously, right before a ski trip isn't the best timing to break my first bone; but, stuff happens! And on a positive note, Felix is getting pretty good at doing my hair for me.

Happy weekend!

Celebrating Zoosk Style

Saturday night was the much anticipated Zoosk Holiday Party. I had been hearing from Felix's coworkers how amazing the company holiday parties are for awhile, and I quickly learned what all the hype was about. It was at a beautiful, hip, and delicious restaurant in the Mission district, Foreign Cinema. We walked down a festive and decorated hallway covered with employee group pictures, candles, and inflatable hearts. We checked our coats, got a fun gift, and were greeted with champagne and amazing appetizers. There was a small live string band at the beginning, an adorable video/slideshow put together by the co-founders, open bars, amazing tapas around every corner, a photo booth, and lots of amazing people. I spent some great time with the people Felix spends every day with, got to know their significant others much better, and met new friends too.

I'm already excited for the next Zoosk event. Happy Wednesday, friends. Here are a few shots from the other night.

Moving Forward

I've done a lot of thinking since yesterday's post. And I'm beginning to think that what I wrote was all wrong. But I guess that's what a/my blog is for - emotional, impulsive, and sometimes very raw and unedited entries. 

I can't stop thinking about how 26 homes must be feeling so empty right now. How difficult it must be to explain to the siblings of the victims that their brothers and sisters won't be coming home. All of the birthday parties and holidays that they won't be at. How to explain why their parents will never be the same. 

I watched an interview with the father of one of the victims, Emilie Parker. His strength and compassion was breathtaking. The absence of animosity in the interview and his ability to offer sympathy to the other families who suffered loss, including the shooter's family, was unforgettable; and it got me thinking - he is so right.   

'How do you fight evil? You fight it with good.'

There are obviously people out there who are trying to find the cause and a reason why these things happen. A lot of people want a source to blame and a specific direction to point their finger in. Is it gun control? Mental health support services? Security? I have no idea (and neither do the ranting, angry people on Facebook). There is not one solution - many issues need to be brought to the table. But for now, it is so important that we remember the victims and change what we DO have control over in our own lives. While I may still disagree with the way these horrible tragedies are broadcasted, there has been overwhelming love and support from all over the nation. It's too bad that it takes something like this to remind us how important random acts of kindness are, but it's also really beautiful to see communities coming together, making small gestures towards making the world better, and paying it forward. 

I'm not sure how this will change me. Hopefully I can learn to live with more compassion, to be more humble. To love harder. Be more patient. Be quicker to forgive. Smile more. Remember that everyone is battling something in their life, and sometimes the smallest effort or act of kindness can turn a day around. 

Emilie's dad said we should 'use the memories of the victims to inspire us to better our communities.' If everyone could hear that, really hear that, and do one thing every day that somehow improves their community, can you imagine the results?

Lots of heavy thoughts on this cold San Francisco morning. Happy Tuesday. Love to all from the west coast.

Emilie Parker 

*Photo from abcnews.com

Somber Monday

Friday's awful events gave the start of the weekend an expectedly icky feeling. The news and all social media outlets were consumed with updates about the shooting, the victims, and everything in between. I have such mixed feelings about the way these events are broadcasted so heavily and widely. I understand the need to report the facts, but I'm not sure if the way these events become so exposed is the right way to inform. A friend on Facebook put it into words pretty well - 'That by exposing and chronicaling every detail (who the shooter was, what his mental state was, what the attack was like) that at best we become desensitized, and at worst, we create heroes out of these monsters. It's worth thinking about as we ask ourselves why, since Columbine, these atrocities have only become more prevalent.'

So 3 days later, what happened in Newtown is finally setting in. And, as I'm sure it does to most everyone, it leaves me feeling sad, confused, and asking why??

It's difficult to go back to living life 'normally' after something like this happens. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for someone who was involved first hand and who lost a loved one. Because there is no way to find meaning from something like this. There is no way to rationalize what happened and see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no silver lining, or lesson to be learned. In this case, time will not easily heal. And moving on from something so tragic is seemingly impossible, even for someone who did not lose someone close to them.

So today is somber, to say the least. All of my thoughts are still consumed with the families, and teachers, and community of Sandy Hook.

Our weekend was full of a birthday party, some Christmas shopping, walks in the rain, a Zoosk holiday party, lots of talking, thinking, and planning. I hope everyone had a nice weekend. 

Hard to Smile

I woke up today to devastating, disgusting, heartbreaking news of another shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. Words can't express the hurt that has come from this event. My heart goes out to all of the victims and families involved. It's truly frightening to think about all of the pain our country has experienced, especially recently.

I didn't feel right posting my regular Friday Smiles post. I am so consumed with anger and sadness and confusion. Praying for strength for all those affected by today's tragedy. 

A Day in Rockridge

I had a meeting today with a woman I was connected with through a man I met at a networking event, hah. She is a seasoned non-profit professional, with experience in grant writing, health initiatives, research, coalition and foundation work, fundraising, etc. She had so much good feedback and advice for me as far as getting my foot in San Francisco's non-profit doors. It was really helpful to hear from someone who is years ahead of me as far as experience but who began in the same place I did: wanting to do meaningful work with very little sense of direction of where to start. One piece of advice I've gotten from almost every single person I've met with: 'don't forget to relax and enjoy San Francisco, too.' While I am well aware of this, it's nice to be reminded that it's okay to relax and have fun, even if it's coming from essentially a stranger.

Afterwards, we walked around Rockridge (a small area in Oakland) and shopped for stocking stuffers for her kids. We parted ways I just wasn't ready to go back to the city. I kept walking and ended up finding a dress for the Zoosk holiday party this weekend. I've stopped at 3 different cafes and had everything from a turkey wrap to a spicy hot chocolate. I've had to get creative with my drink choices since I spend so much time in cafes but can only handle so much caffeine before I get jittery and crazy.

It has been a stunning day in Oakland. It feels and looks a lot like Denver in the Fall - a perfect balance between the cold air and the warm sun. I've walked up and down the main street 6 or 7 times, window shopping and people watching. Now I'm back at the cafe I started the day at because they had the best wifi. I'm waiting for my friend to finish up work in Berkeley and we're going to go to happy hour somewhere around here. Happy Thursday friends!

On Board with the Holidays

Despite it being the middle of December, until today, I hadn't really been on board with the fact that the holidays are coming. But between the Christmas music playing in every cafe and store I walk into and the beautifully lit windows on every corner, there is no denying that it is the holiday season in San Francisco. 

I am excited, yes. But it's difficult to feel like I deserve to enjoy the holidays given my current situation. I know that sounds a little harsh, but usually I am so ready and worn out by the time Christmas rolls around, that I feel rewarded by the festive drinks, seasonal music, and days off from work. This year is different because, although I have been working hard to find a job, I don't feel like I've earned a 'break.' 

On another note, there has been a little 'movement' around here. I had an interview/assessment yesterday, I've been cranking on the applications, and I have a few meetings set up this week with random connections. I've felt a lot more relaxed lately - I've decided to stop stressing and just trust that something will fall into place. The more pressure I put on myself, the less happy I am. And there's just no point in being unhappy.

To stay in the spirit, I'm drinking hot tea and hanging Christmas decorations tonight. Cheers to the holiday season, and here are a few pictures from around here, if you'd like to see.

Muir Woods

We had a pretty busy weekend, which while fun, always makes the days go by so much faster.

Saturday, we played in a 4 v 4 indoor volleyball tournament. We were paired up with a really nice couple from Stanford, and ended up playing pretty well (although we didn't win). Afterwards, we went with some new friends from the tournament to get some drinks at a bar in Potrero Hill. We sat on the back patio for hours, talking and drinking, and were home and sound asleep by 10 pm. 

Sunday morning, we rented a car and spent the first half of the day in Muir woods. We took an awesome hike and learned about Coastal Redwoods which are in the same family as Giant Sequoias. We ended the day at Muir beach. I had the full intention of swimming, but by the time we got there, the sun wasn't as strong as I would have liked. So we ate our picnic on the beach and stayed bundled up in sweatshirts and blankets on the sand. We enviously watched all of the dogs running around and playing fetch in the water (We really want a dog!). I took a short nap. We ate some more. And then we left early enough to avoid traffic coming back into the city. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! Cheers to a great Monday.

 

3 Smiles

Still carrying on the advent calendar tradition

A new homemade keychain (Thanks for the idea, Kate!)

Fun Bart ride on the way to Berkeley

Yay for Friday! I'm really excited for the weekend.

Just Today

On days I am stumped about what to blog about and don't have any personal life theories or emotional epiphanies to write about, it's easiest to just write about my day. Today was another East Bay cousin mini-adventure. 

I met my cousin, Jenny, in Oakland this morning and we headed to her hip hair salon loft in Emeryville. We drank tea, she gave me a hip haircut, and per usual, some insightful advice on being 25, and life in general. We did a little shopping on 4th Street, purchased soap and a spatula, and then had a tasty lunch at Tacubaya. We rushed to pick up her youngest son and friend from school, made a stop at the beautiful Berkeley Public Library, and then to the Edible Schoolyard, which is something I've been wanting to see for awhile. We mingled with the chickens (and new ducks!) and walked through rows and rows of berries, vegetables, and olive trees. It is such a cool project and if you haven't heard about it, I recommend reading up on it.

We stopped and got fresh ground coffee from Cole Coffee and then I made my way home on Bart. I'm not used to drinking coffee in the middle of the day, so I'm feeling all sorts of loopy and hyper now. I'm going to make some hot chocolate and send out a few applications before the sunlight is completely gone. I hope everyone had a good day - cheers to Wednesday!

Unexpected

Today was unexpected. 

I spent the morning at home, caught up on some emails and had a long lunch. Feeling stir crazy, I packed up my stuff and left the apartment. 

I unexpectedly walked into sunshine and a warm wind outside. I took a long walk - to the touristy part of Lombard street and back down Powell street. I stopped at a Starbucks near Union Square and set up camp by a window. I began cranking out a few applications, and about 2 hours in... 

I unexpectedly bonded with 2 German flight attendants. Without invitation, they joined me at my already overcrowded table. It ended up being a lovely break for me. It's tough going entire days without any real communication or human contact with the exception of millions of cover letters and placing coffee orders. The 2 women sat with me for a refreshing hour and a half, critiquing every girl who passed the table, explaining the relationship between Russians and Germans, complaining about menopause, and asking about my life plans. I learned that they have been flight attendants for Lufthansa for 24+ years, that they were jet-lagged, that they love their jobs. One is clumsy, one never had children. They had only met a few days ago, yet seemed like lifelong friends. They agreed that learning German is difficult, and told me they were proud that I was trying to learn. 

I unexpectedly felt like I was sitting at coffee in Paris with my mom and my mother-in-law. It felt like home. We laughed so hard for that hour and a half. In my experience, Germans are not usually so friendly at first. Well, these ladies were an absolute exception. After spilling coffee all over the table (twice!), planning out the job I am going to get, when and where I will have my first child, and what I should make Felix for dinner tonight, they went on their way, probably thinking they were more of a nuisance than blessing to my day. 

I pushed through the remainder of my afternoon, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. And now I'm rewarding myself with an iced tea and lemon cake. 

Today was unexpected, in the best way possible. I hope everyone is having a beautiful, Tuesday evening.

26 Goals

Now that I am a few weeks into my 26th year, I'm feeling especially wise (haha) and motivated and I've been thinking about what I want to accomplish in this next year. I've compiled a jumbled list of 26 goals, wishes, and things to remind myself of over the next year. Some really specific, some pretty broad, but all equally important. Hopefully by blogging about it, I can hold myself accountable!

Work really hard and have fun (in whatever job I eventually land). Make 5 new good friends. Drink more water. Do yoga regularly. Learn to knit a scarf. Swim at Muir Beach. Go to Alcatraz. Continue blogging frequently. Grow my skincare business, if only a little. Make fresh squeezed OJ. Volunteer somewhere new. Be patient. Plan a stellar second wedding/vow renewal. Make the bed every day. Drink good red wine. Feel in shape. Write letters. Take a lot of photos. Travel. Keep taking challenges in the kitchen. Be thoughtful. Meditate. Speak a lot of German. Surprise myself and force myself out of my comfort zone. Love hard. Be present.